My husband came back for a talk last night about, can video games change the world? The speaker, Jane McGonigal was speaking at Santa Clara University and one interesting study she relayed to the audience was one from the army. They have found that playing video games up to 21 hours a week with strong social components can help people cope from depression and PTSD symptoms caused from war, domestic violence and other life situations.
I would add it can help people suffering from social isolation after leaving a harmful cult. I can validate these claims as I have found playing boardgames as one of my most effective coping mechanisms when I feel stressed or down. In fact I play 1-3 nights a week with friends and feel tremendous afterwards, just as good as trancing or meditating I think.
So if any of you are feeling down go online and play some games or join others and play some social interactive games. Join a board game club, play with your family, friends, reintroduce game night at your house. It's good for you.
But with everything don't go overboard and be careful of addictive games. If you play more than 21 hours of games a week it can worsen symptoms, causing social isolation, depression, ext. I remember see in farmville being covered on the news a few months back. The reporters were saying it can be to addictive and some people start missing work, skipped chores ext. Well that is just one game. There are hundreds, thousands that are fun and can give you a boost without making you a slave to the computer. So do some experimentation and have fun.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Reflection: why I wrote
I was meditating tonight on why I started writing, why I stoped and why I am writing now. All good questions. It is important to know ones own intentions, at least that is what I believe. I think it may be easier to be oblivious in the short term at least.
I started writing my blog out of anger, out of trying to break the chains of silence the people over there put me under, out of a phone call from a dear friend "breaking up with me" because other people told her to and for another woman erasing my comments on line. I know this is all very vague and each is an interesting story in and of it's self. But basically the people of SRF helped me start blogging about my experiences there out of there attempts to silence and destroy me.
I kept on writing because the process of writing was some how make sense of the chaos that filled my brain and lungs. This chaos at times was sinking me in an ocean of displaced anger, tempered frustrations and honest rage. I was all over the place and didn't know where to rest my head or who to trust.
Then I began to receive a few emails and comments from people who had been in similar predicaments as mine or was thinking about joining a place like this. How could I feel anything other then pleased that my messy and passionate writings was somehow helping others. It was motivating and emboldening. I started to really understand how important it was to pipe up for those who were to afraid to say anything or for those who were considering a new spiritual home.
Then the law suit came and I was instructed not to write for a time. I was pissed off for months. Then this time of isolation from my readers and viewers forced me to finally make the leap into widening my circle of friends. Well actually I had zero at this time in my history. So I joined social networks and instantly through my energies into meeting new people, making new friends and trying to figure out who I was outside of all the cult drama.
Let's see, what came next, we won our right to speak again without being hounded by those .... people at SRF a.k.a. the cult. I received much delight in writing that they were a cult in more numerous ways then necessary. The fact that they waived their rights to defend themselves while we called them a cult was invigorating.
I ran out of steam or interest. I was deeply involved with many projects and new people in my life. It was easy to leave the whole SRF thing behind for a time.
But now I find myself once again haunted by the imprint SRF has made on me. I recently made an outline or time line of important events that happened to me in the 14 years I was there. I was able to see my story or the flow of events as a more meaningful life.
During the last couple of years of my first real breaths of freedom as an adult I have often wondered how the things that happened to me could occur. It never made sense. Everything seemed so jumbled and fractured in my mind. I think those first few years met me in a downhearted and sleepless space that was filled with pain, humiliation, shock and hunger for a life that was lost. I felt limp, my soul tarnished by the warfare of Bill. I was adrift. I had no church to run to and non I would even consider walking to there steps.
But now is much different.
I still wonder what am I to do with all of this.
I started writing my blog out of anger, out of trying to break the chains of silence the people over there put me under, out of a phone call from a dear friend "breaking up with me" because other people told her to and for another woman erasing my comments on line. I know this is all very vague and each is an interesting story in and of it's self. But basically the people of SRF helped me start blogging about my experiences there out of there attempts to silence and destroy me.
I kept on writing because the process of writing was some how make sense of the chaos that filled my brain and lungs. This chaos at times was sinking me in an ocean of displaced anger, tempered frustrations and honest rage. I was all over the place and didn't know where to rest my head or who to trust.
Then I began to receive a few emails and comments from people who had been in similar predicaments as mine or was thinking about joining a place like this. How could I feel anything other then pleased that my messy and passionate writings was somehow helping others. It was motivating and emboldening. I started to really understand how important it was to pipe up for those who were to afraid to say anything or for those who were considering a new spiritual home.
Then the law suit came and I was instructed not to write for a time. I was pissed off for months. Then this time of isolation from my readers and viewers forced me to finally make the leap into widening my circle of friends. Well actually I had zero at this time in my history. So I joined social networks and instantly through my energies into meeting new people, making new friends and trying to figure out who I was outside of all the cult drama.
Let's see, what came next, we won our right to speak again without being hounded by those .... people at SRF a.k.a. the cult. I received much delight in writing that they were a cult in more numerous ways then necessary. The fact that they waived their rights to defend themselves while we called them a cult was invigorating.
I ran out of steam or interest. I was deeply involved with many projects and new people in my life. It was easy to leave the whole SRF thing behind for a time.
But now I find myself once again haunted by the imprint SRF has made on me. I recently made an outline or time line of important events that happened to me in the 14 years I was there. I was able to see my story or the flow of events as a more meaningful life.
During the last couple of years of my first real breaths of freedom as an adult I have often wondered how the things that happened to me could occur. It never made sense. Everything seemed so jumbled and fractured in my mind. I think those first few years met me in a downhearted and sleepless space that was filled with pain, humiliation, shock and hunger for a life that was lost. I felt limp, my soul tarnished by the warfare of Bill. I was adrift. I had no church to run to and non I would even consider walking to there steps.
But now is much different.
I still wonder what am I to do with all of this.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Feb 20, 2010
Can't sleep. I have allot on my mind.
I have not thought much about the Spiritual Rights Foundation Cult for a while. I haven't wanted to for sure. Allot has happened, positive mostly for the last year. I have been able to sew my life back together again peice by piece. And the less I think about that place the happier I am.
But I can't ignore it all the time. Like right now, the last couple of weeks. Someone emailed me about my experiences at the cult. And I had to make a decision, do I just not bother with all the pain this conversation will bring or do I try to be brave again once more and share my story with a total stranger in hopes that something good and positive will come out of it. The best that can come out of it is that one less person will have to go through the hell I did. It's worth a shot right.
My mind is clearer then it has ever been and memories are easier to come about certain things. Still there are years that I have blocked out from the good ol' early days, no idea what happened to me at the cult. I can remember what job I had, who my friends were, going home to visit family and some things I was into but what happened to me at the cult, I could not say. Can you imagine how this feels? Probably not.
Then there are memories that are half formed, ones that come up and immediately try to stuff them away, to painful to confront.
And then there are other memories that force themselves into my life and take over, where I feel everything as if I was there once again and weeks and months of constant humiliation, manipulation and attacks are played out in hours and I am left debilitated for weeks. Luckily those types of memories (flash backs) have not occurred for over 6 months. But I fear them.
There is a loss I feel from all those years of being at a cult. Then as I am now fully interacting with my world and it's people there is a new sense of loss of time, more profound then before. I can't help but thinking how different my life I would have had if I had not been brought to this cult.
I don't believe there is anything I can do to make things right. There is not enough safeguards in our society for punishing people like cult leaders. First their followers are to afraid or brainwashed to talk and expose the abuse and second cult leaders need to be proficient at hiding there abuses to stay in business. Then there is the freedom of religion. Sure to some people it is their religion to fast, work or not work on certain days, believe certain things. So who has the right to come into a church and tell the congregation and close it down because that person does not believe the same way. Ok I may not be making much sense anymore, I need to eat more of that King Cake.
Cults at least the one I went to put allot of energy into hiding things from the congregation. They also worked hard at convincing and brainwashing us to hide most of what we were doing at the church from our family and friends. We were pretty much given a script of what positive things we could say to "outsiders" and the rest which was 90% of what we did in the cult was not allowed in regular conversation. The most common explanation was that people would not understand or invalidate you.
Invalidate - such an everyday term there. We were taught to believe that pretty much all "outsiders" would invalidate us because they were living in the world.
I have not thought much about the Spiritual Rights Foundation Cult for a while. I haven't wanted to for sure. Allot has happened, positive mostly for the last year. I have been able to sew my life back together again peice by piece. And the less I think about that place the happier I am.
But I can't ignore it all the time. Like right now, the last couple of weeks. Someone emailed me about my experiences at the cult. And I had to make a decision, do I just not bother with all the pain this conversation will bring or do I try to be brave again once more and share my story with a total stranger in hopes that something good and positive will come out of it. The best that can come out of it is that one less person will have to go through the hell I did. It's worth a shot right.
My mind is clearer then it has ever been and memories are easier to come about certain things. Still there are years that I have blocked out from the good ol' early days, no idea what happened to me at the cult. I can remember what job I had, who my friends were, going home to visit family and some things I was into but what happened to me at the cult, I could not say. Can you imagine how this feels? Probably not.
Then there are memories that are half formed, ones that come up and immediately try to stuff them away, to painful to confront.
And then there are other memories that force themselves into my life and take over, where I feel everything as if I was there once again and weeks and months of constant humiliation, manipulation and attacks are played out in hours and I am left debilitated for weeks. Luckily those types of memories (flash backs) have not occurred for over 6 months. But I fear them.
There is a loss I feel from all those years of being at a cult. Then as I am now fully interacting with my world and it's people there is a new sense of loss of time, more profound then before. I can't help but thinking how different my life I would have had if I had not been brought to this cult.
I don't believe there is anything I can do to make things right. There is not enough safeguards in our society for punishing people like cult leaders. First their followers are to afraid or brainwashed to talk and expose the abuse and second cult leaders need to be proficient at hiding there abuses to stay in business. Then there is the freedom of religion. Sure to some people it is their religion to fast, work or not work on certain days, believe certain things. So who has the right to come into a church and tell the congregation and close it down because that person does not believe the same way. Ok I may not be making much sense anymore, I need to eat more of that King Cake.
Cults at least the one I went to put allot of energy into hiding things from the congregation. They also worked hard at convincing and brainwashing us to hide most of what we were doing at the church from our family and friends. We were pretty much given a script of what positive things we could say to "outsiders" and the rest which was 90% of what we did in the cult was not allowed in regular conversation. The most common explanation was that people would not understand or invalidate you.
Invalidate - such an everyday term there. We were taught to believe that pretty much all "outsiders" would invalidate us because they were living in the world.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Mort Litwack, Spiritual Rights Foundation, Donations
My husband told me 2 nights ago that Mort Litwack had passed away in his sleep. It took several hours for this to sink in. He was like a grandfather to me in my 14 years of knowing him. He would give me rides to Berkeley from San Jose for many years when I was only 18 years old. He loved to talk about everything under the sun.
I was loyal to him even though most of the church members at the time frequently talked bad about him. Bill, the cult leader of the church was trying to break him down so he would give up more of his money to him and the "church". Bill often humiliated Mort in front of the congregation at Church, in lectures, in healing clinic and so forth. Mort was made to believe that this was a great spiritual gift to be riped in front of people. He was told that because Bill really loved he was to be broken down. Bill often compared Mort's millions as that much more of negative ego. That if he was really spiritual and learning the teachings of the Spiritual Rights Foundation that Mort would give him some of his millions. Bill often said, "Mort you can't take it with you when you die, why are you hanging onto it". His selfishness was a constant source of discussion and a lesson for us others of not be like that. Like all of us we were brainwashed and worked on by the leaders of the church to give our lives and our money.
My fond memories are mixed by the revolution of the church and leaders who took away his golden years, where with is affluence, close family ties and curiosity should have made for a retirement in peace and respect unlike the hell that he found himself in constantly. Instead he got himself caught up with a maniac and an institution that in my opinion and countless others was the cause of marriages breaking up, children being torn away from there fathers, bankruptcies, suicide attempts, a suicide, a 2 widow's being stolen from, careers being ruined, severe health issues being ignored ext. Extravagant claims? Not really. Just read my blog, read my husbands blog, read 2 or 3 more blogs about SRF that we didn't even know till a few years ago when we left the place.
Mort was a free loving man, with good manners, amazing experience, a sense of humor I respected and a rebellious spirit. Despite what Bill was trying to do to him, Mort still rebelled and took those vacations with his family and wife. I loved that about him. And I always felt bad for him when he came back to SRF from a week long vacation and Bill and others would humiliate, pressure and condemn his choice to spend so much time with his family rather then stay at SRF and work for them. I felt sorry for him to have to be in the hot seat and was afraid of spending to much time away in fear that I would be condemed like him.
We drove up to Tahoe together many times. I always felt comfortable with him. I loved listening to his stories and he was a good listener as well.
I had the privilege to visit Mort and his wife Shasta at their house in San Jose. They seemed to love each other but it struck me how together and content they seemed while I was often told by Bill and others how they were not a good fit. Bill always tried to break up partners so he could have sole control. Bill, for over 10 years worked on Mort to make his wife tithe on her house. How outrageous. I hope that never came to be. I don't think it did.
Bill often spoke of Mort, in front of Mort and the congregation that one in his positions needs to keep his enemies close. He was meaning Mort was his enemy. We were taught that Mort had so many things screwed up about him that he was a bad influence on others in the congregation. So Bill had to keep him close, he had to spend more time "working" on his spiritual development. From what I heard, half of the time Bill was "working" on him was to get Mort to get rid of his ego and give his money to the church.
Another "evil" that was Mort to SRF leaders opinion was how educated he was. The more education you had the more you got made fun of. Education, in general was put down. Just look at most of the children who grew up in that environment. Before some of the fathers who left SRF took SRF to the authoritys, about 6-8 young children were not going to school, were not being educated. Finally when the courts rulled that they had to go to school most of these children had to struggle for years to get up to grade level.
God, and that brought me to the point of trying to remember how much Mort had wanted to give SRF in his will. I don't remember. But I know it must have gone up as time went on because Bill knows how to "work" on people. In fact anyone who had any money always held a special place in the leadership and by the leaders side.
Thankfully when Bill died, so did the constant taunts directed toward Mort. But then Mort finally got his wish of being in a leadership role. they needed Mort becuase he knew of the "world". Angela, Robin and Debbie are both undereducated and have been taught not to trust most people becuase they do not belong to SRF. They needed someone who knew about money, stocks, realastate. Thus Mort was is a perfect position. Bill was not there to stomp on him becuase Bill did not allow any man during his reign have any really power.
I was sad to see his independence go and saw a remarkable change in his personality about 5 years ago. He grew closer to the leadership and spoke of SRF as more of his family then his own family. In his sermons his often debased himself which I was shocked to hear. The crazy thing is the leaders Angela Silva and Debbie Livington - Bouchey smiled and were more comfortable around him because now he talked bad about his ego, now he praised Bill for him helping to help slowly kill his ego, now he had a lower opinion of education. He use to be a professor who tried to encourage me to educate my self. But the change happened, he finally succumbed to the brainwashing and then he started to discourage me from wanting a good education.
When I left SRF I had already broke ties with Mort as I saw him as another SRF leader not to be trusted. I was aggrieved that my friend Mort had changed into someone I did not recognize anymore. He did seem more content because he was now excepted by those at SRF because he finally was giving all he was to SRF. Why should a 70+ year old man be encouraged to drive hours a day several times a week.
I have thought of him, I have worried over him. I have feared what price he had to pay to finally be "in" with the leadership of the cult.
When I read the part about how he wanted people to donate money to the Spiritual Rights Foundation or another charity instead of flowers at his funeral I cringed. It never ends does it. How can you stop a beast like a cult when such wonderful and lovely people are fooled. How much is he leaving to SRF in his will? If you are family and are reading this please ask that. If it is a substantial amount please contest this. The Spiritual Rights Foundation is a disease, and financial offerings to them will only found their expansion of a disease that has caused hundreds of lives to be damaged.
Oh yeah, did you know that the Spiritual Rights Foundation Sued us for liable early this year. The stress of which I was forced to withdraw from school because I could not sleep for month and I was having flashbacks. They lost the battle, they were just trying to bully us to stop telling our story. They have not paid our lawyer per the the judgement. They have plenty of money but they always try to go around the law.
I know, my writings may be a shock to some people who did not know about the going on's at SRF. Some people may be offended. I apologize but my number one objective is to educate people about the cloaked society that puts a mask on of all smiles when really there is real abuse always undercover. I do not want anyone else to fall into their clutches and spend the last 20 years of their life at a cult that degrades them, humiliates them and tries to take away their security.
I was loyal to him even though most of the church members at the time frequently talked bad about him. Bill, the cult leader of the church was trying to break him down so he would give up more of his money to him and the "church". Bill often humiliated Mort in front of the congregation at Church, in lectures, in healing clinic and so forth. Mort was made to believe that this was a great spiritual gift to be riped in front of people. He was told that because Bill really loved he was to be broken down. Bill often compared Mort's millions as that much more of negative ego. That if he was really spiritual and learning the teachings of the Spiritual Rights Foundation that Mort would give him some of his millions. Bill often said, "Mort you can't take it with you when you die, why are you hanging onto it". His selfishness was a constant source of discussion and a lesson for us others of not be like that. Like all of us we were brainwashed and worked on by the leaders of the church to give our lives and our money.
My fond memories are mixed by the revolution of the church and leaders who took away his golden years, where with is affluence, close family ties and curiosity should have made for a retirement in peace and respect unlike the hell that he found himself in constantly. Instead he got himself caught up with a maniac and an institution that in my opinion and countless others was the cause of marriages breaking up, children being torn away from there fathers, bankruptcies, suicide attempts, a suicide, a 2 widow's being stolen from, careers being ruined, severe health issues being ignored ext. Extravagant claims? Not really. Just read my blog, read my husbands blog, read 2 or 3 more blogs about SRF that we didn't even know till a few years ago when we left the place.
Mort was a free loving man, with good manners, amazing experience, a sense of humor I respected and a rebellious spirit. Despite what Bill was trying to do to him, Mort still rebelled and took those vacations with his family and wife. I loved that about him. And I always felt bad for him when he came back to SRF from a week long vacation and Bill and others would humiliate, pressure and condemn his choice to spend so much time with his family rather then stay at SRF and work for them. I felt sorry for him to have to be in the hot seat and was afraid of spending to much time away in fear that I would be condemed like him.
We drove up to Tahoe together many times. I always felt comfortable with him. I loved listening to his stories and he was a good listener as well.
I had the privilege to visit Mort and his wife Shasta at their house in San Jose. They seemed to love each other but it struck me how together and content they seemed while I was often told by Bill and others how they were not a good fit. Bill always tried to break up partners so he could have sole control. Bill, for over 10 years worked on Mort to make his wife tithe on her house. How outrageous. I hope that never came to be. I don't think it did.
Bill often spoke of Mort, in front of Mort and the congregation that one in his positions needs to keep his enemies close. He was meaning Mort was his enemy. We were taught that Mort had so many things screwed up about him that he was a bad influence on others in the congregation. So Bill had to keep him close, he had to spend more time "working" on his spiritual development. From what I heard, half of the time Bill was "working" on him was to get Mort to get rid of his ego and give his money to the church.
Another "evil" that was Mort to SRF leaders opinion was how educated he was. The more education you had the more you got made fun of. Education, in general was put down. Just look at most of the children who grew up in that environment. Before some of the fathers who left SRF took SRF to the authoritys, about 6-8 young children were not going to school, were not being educated. Finally when the courts rulled that they had to go to school most of these children had to struggle for years to get up to grade level.
God, and that brought me to the point of trying to remember how much Mort had wanted to give SRF in his will. I don't remember. But I know it must have gone up as time went on because Bill knows how to "work" on people. In fact anyone who had any money always held a special place in the leadership and by the leaders side.
Thankfully when Bill died, so did the constant taunts directed toward Mort. But then Mort finally got his wish of being in a leadership role. they needed Mort becuase he knew of the "world". Angela, Robin and Debbie are both undereducated and have been taught not to trust most people becuase they do not belong to SRF. They needed someone who knew about money, stocks, realastate. Thus Mort was is a perfect position. Bill was not there to stomp on him becuase Bill did not allow any man during his reign have any really power.
I was sad to see his independence go and saw a remarkable change in his personality about 5 years ago. He grew closer to the leadership and spoke of SRF as more of his family then his own family. In his sermons his often debased himself which I was shocked to hear. The crazy thing is the leaders Angela Silva and Debbie Livington - Bouchey smiled and were more comfortable around him because now he talked bad about his ego, now he praised Bill for him helping to help slowly kill his ego, now he had a lower opinion of education. He use to be a professor who tried to encourage me to educate my self. But the change happened, he finally succumbed to the brainwashing and then he started to discourage me from wanting a good education.
When I left SRF I had already broke ties with Mort as I saw him as another SRF leader not to be trusted. I was aggrieved that my friend Mort had changed into someone I did not recognize anymore. He did seem more content because he was now excepted by those at SRF because he finally was giving all he was to SRF. Why should a 70+ year old man be encouraged to drive hours a day several times a week.
I have thought of him, I have worried over him. I have feared what price he had to pay to finally be "in" with the leadership of the cult.
When I read the part about how he wanted people to donate money to the Spiritual Rights Foundation or another charity instead of flowers at his funeral I cringed. It never ends does it. How can you stop a beast like a cult when such wonderful and lovely people are fooled. How much is he leaving to SRF in his will? If you are family and are reading this please ask that. If it is a substantial amount please contest this. The Spiritual Rights Foundation is a disease, and financial offerings to them will only found their expansion of a disease that has caused hundreds of lives to be damaged.
Oh yeah, did you know that the Spiritual Rights Foundation Sued us for liable early this year. The stress of which I was forced to withdraw from school because I could not sleep for month and I was having flashbacks. They lost the battle, they were just trying to bully us to stop telling our story. They have not paid our lawyer per the the judgement. They have plenty of money but they always try to go around the law.
I know, my writings may be a shock to some people who did not know about the going on's at SRF. Some people may be offended. I apologize but my number one objective is to educate people about the cloaked society that puts a mask on of all smiles when really there is real abuse always undercover. I do not want anyone else to fall into their clutches and spend the last 20 years of their life at a cult that degrades them, humiliates them and tries to take away their security.
Friday, September 25, 2009
who is the monster little children
Is it I who declares little daddy a beast
Who has the daddy issues
perhaps we both do but I'm not telling or is that your line?
Did yours make you take off your cloths, expose you to the congregation
did we faint out of embarrassment, did anyone know?
No. that was not yours,
not yours, what did he say, "your sperm donor".
No that was your spiritual father
right here on earth. lucky for you your mom got mind fucked
No your real father - you kicked him to the curb
and left him to bleed
while your mama looked on lovingly encouraging her daughters carcass being devoured by her hate.
I have the same nightmares. I to was slayed in spirit. The lines blur, man woman and child, we were all undressed for one man's delight.
Please don't think yourself so smart to think you know what I am saying, who I speak to and what beds I have made. I may stink with my own dirt but who are you to laugh and throw spiritual swords at me.
Is it right to blame someone.
Damn straight
Get your go go boots on and trample all those nightmares away
say they never happened and then embrace your many mothers
worship your father,
you own personal psychopath
Let them feel your heads with lies and fears
dig in deep for the fight that will always be lost
In the light of truth you all bleed
not the blood of Christ but that of your victims
you sucked their money and souls dry and now your gluttony makes you tremble and run
your hands thick with blood, dried and cracked from years of "sacrifice"
Where will it stop?
When will it stop? Perhaps never. Perhaps not.
Who has the daddy issues
perhaps we both do but I'm not telling or is that your line?
Did yours make you take off your cloths, expose you to the congregation
did we faint out of embarrassment, did anyone know?
No. that was not yours,
not yours, what did he say, "your sperm donor".
No that was your spiritual father
right here on earth. lucky for you your mom got mind fucked
No your real father - you kicked him to the curb
and left him to bleed
while your mama looked on lovingly encouraging her daughters carcass being devoured by her hate.
I have the same nightmares. I to was slayed in spirit. The lines blur, man woman and child, we were all undressed for one man's delight.
Please don't think yourself so smart to think you know what I am saying, who I speak to and what beds I have made. I may stink with my own dirt but who are you to laugh and throw spiritual swords at me.
Is it right to blame someone.
Damn straight
Get your go go boots on and trample all those nightmares away
say they never happened and then embrace your many mothers
worship your father,
you own personal psychopath
Let them feel your heads with lies and fears
dig in deep for the fight that will always be lost
In the light of truth you all bleed
not the blood of Christ but that of your victims
you sucked their money and souls dry and now your gluttony makes you tremble and run
your hands thick with blood, dried and cracked from years of "sacrifice"
Where will it stop?
When will it stop? Perhaps never. Perhaps not.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
SRF is still trying to cover things up?
Not surprising that SRF, it's leaders and even a few of their brainwashed daughters are still trying to manipulate and connive their way out of their stupid law suit they made against us. They don't want to pay for their mistake of going after us and dare I say harassing us with illegitimate law suit and poor arguments of their purity and innocents at brainwashing and tearing family's apart and .....I could go on.
When Steve Sanchez, Mason and others took on SRF in the media I did not get involved. I did not quite understand why they were doing what they were doing at the time. Well because I was BRAINWASHED. How embarrassing if I were to have tried to fight them. This is just a flow of consciousness post right now.
There are some topics, people I would like to talk about but these people are a bit immature and they want to be called out, they want to rant and rave, they want me to add fuel to their fire. How tiring it must be to be so right all the time, to hate and want such revenge on someone you barely know. I am not talking about me, revenge has never really been a big driving force for me. Hate however, oh yes, hate has been a companion of mine when it comes to Bill Duby and others at SRF that have made many betrayals to me and others I care about.
But to come here on our blogs and peruse around and cowardly state how brave and righteous you are, come on.
It is easy to follow the crowd, and yes SRF is a crowd.
But to actually think for yourself, that is bravery.
Changing the subject, very rapidly; I just came back from a party. We played Outburst and who the heck has heard of a Taco burger? Is it ground up meat on a bun or what?
Back to Darth Vadar and his army...
I can't help to think how these lies that Angela, Robin and Debi Boushey are making are affecting their well being. Can dissociation last a last time? No, even I know that. I knew something was wrong at certain points when I was at SRF but I was trained by all of the above mentioned leaders that all of my problems, anxieties, frustrations were anything but SRF created. So they are of course blaming Mike and I, other former members, their moms energy, their dogs energy, anyone and everything but looking in the mirror and being able to see the hell they are creating for themselves.
No one wants to live a life, hurt people, steal and cheat and then admit to themselves that they were involved in real criminal acts and violations of human decency and ethical rules.
To the leaders at SRF, they never had to follow many ethical laws. Bill Duby taught all of us to get away with murder, avoid taxes, lie to others by his example. He showed us how to abuse each other, hate each other, meddle in each others lives, spy on each other. That was a big one, ministers were encouraged to SPY on each other and to spy on the students. That is how Bill was so "psychic". What bullshit. He would have his ministers spy on others and acquire personal information and then reveal what he has found out by others as prophetic and sent from God. Give me a fucking break.
Let's say it again:
SRF IS A CULT
DEBI BOUSHEY IS A CULT LEADER
ANGELA IS A CULT LEADER
ROBIN IS A CULT LEADER
CULT LEADERS ARE BAD
BILL WAS A CULT LEADER
BILL WAS A PERVERT - HE SURE BRAGGED ABOUT THAT DIDN'T HE!
BILL WAS A CRIMINAL, MANIPULATOR
BILL WAS A GREAT TEATCHER OF EVIL AND TERROR
I am thinking of that old commercial where it has a picture of someone breaking eggs into a pan and the narrator says, "This is your brain (the eggs). This is your brain on drugs (the eggs in the hot pan)
Yep anyone who stayed at SRF for very long knows what I am talking about. We all got allot stupider, passive and fried.
Don't Do Drugs
Don't Do SRF
When Steve Sanchez, Mason and others took on SRF in the media I did not get involved. I did not quite understand why they were doing what they were doing at the time. Well because I was BRAINWASHED. How embarrassing if I were to have tried to fight them. This is just a flow of consciousness post right now.
There are some topics, people I would like to talk about but these people are a bit immature and they want to be called out, they want to rant and rave, they want me to add fuel to their fire. How tiring it must be to be so right all the time, to hate and want such revenge on someone you barely know. I am not talking about me, revenge has never really been a big driving force for me. Hate however, oh yes, hate has been a companion of mine when it comes to Bill Duby and others at SRF that have made many betrayals to me and others I care about.
But to come here on our blogs and peruse around and cowardly state how brave and righteous you are, come on.
It is easy to follow the crowd, and yes SRF is a crowd.
But to actually think for yourself, that is bravery.
Changing the subject, very rapidly; I just came back from a party. We played Outburst and who the heck has heard of a Taco burger? Is it ground up meat on a bun or what?
Back to Darth Vadar and his army...
I can't help to think how these lies that Angela, Robin and Debi Boushey are making are affecting their well being. Can dissociation last a last time? No, even I know that. I knew something was wrong at certain points when I was at SRF but I was trained by all of the above mentioned leaders that all of my problems, anxieties, frustrations were anything but SRF created. So they are of course blaming Mike and I, other former members, their moms energy, their dogs energy, anyone and everything but looking in the mirror and being able to see the hell they are creating for themselves.
No one wants to live a life, hurt people, steal and cheat and then admit to themselves that they were involved in real criminal acts and violations of human decency and ethical rules.
To the leaders at SRF, they never had to follow many ethical laws. Bill Duby taught all of us to get away with murder, avoid taxes, lie to others by his example. He showed us how to abuse each other, hate each other, meddle in each others lives, spy on each other. That was a big one, ministers were encouraged to SPY on each other and to spy on the students. That is how Bill was so "psychic". What bullshit. He would have his ministers spy on others and acquire personal information and then reveal what he has found out by others as prophetic and sent from God. Give me a fucking break.
Let's say it again:
SRF IS A CULT
DEBI BOUSHEY IS A CULT LEADER
ANGELA IS A CULT LEADER
ROBIN IS A CULT LEADER
CULT LEADERS ARE BAD
BILL WAS A CULT LEADER
BILL WAS A PERVERT - HE SURE BRAGGED ABOUT THAT DIDN'T HE!
BILL WAS A CRIMINAL, MANIPULATOR
BILL WAS A GREAT TEATCHER OF EVIL AND TERROR
I am thinking of that old commercial where it has a picture of someone breaking eggs into a pan and the narrator says, "This is your brain (the eggs). This is your brain on drugs (the eggs in the hot pan)
Yep anyone who stayed at SRF for very long knows what I am talking about. We all got allot stupider, passive and fried.
Don't Do Drugs
Don't Do SRF
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Friends
I had several parties for my birthday. One with family and the otter some of my friends through me a surprise party last Friday. Pretty cool.
I was half expecting someone from SRF to pop out of the cake with disapproval and yell at me because of their own projections about how unhappy I am.
Sorry, I could not help myself. Only a few will get that last comment.
Seriously, I was looking for someone in the room to look unhappy, jealous, envious, in "competition" as all SRF people seem to think is the case with anyone they come into contact with. No, everyone was cool and mellow, enjoying a good party. 12 or so woman came. Many more sent me emails, a few gave me a little birthday something earlier on in the week.
What a stark difference from just earlier this year and what about last year, now it is 2 years ago when I had all the great fucked up friendships from the great good woman at SRF who would constantly talk behind my back and some of my closest friends would constantly inform me in some way or another that I was a terrible friend and not quite enjoyable to be around. Of course I believed them. Over so many years this was brainwashed into me.
But now, in such a short time I find myself often the life of a party. I have more woman friends that I know what to do with and I hang out with them, go out, watch movies, have deep conversations or light and giddy ones several times a week.
No I am not the Joy that the good old SRF Culties were trying to make me into being. They are so fake and inhibiting. I thank the good lord that I got out of those witches hands.
I am not feeling particularly angry though I am curious why I am using words like witches and fake. I think it is because I can see things more clearly now and I am not afraid of those good old culties anymore. I am having a wonderfully different experience now and so it is easier to see what is in contrast.
I will have to say again, I was a bit tense at certain points in my party because I do feel sometimes I do not deserve all the love that surrounds me by my new friends.
I wonder if this strange experience of being here and then being transported back to the Cult will follow me my whole life. Possibly in certain circumstances. But I am happy to report that I am handling it much better.
I think I probably feel like a prisoner of war who was separated from family and any true loving relationship, shut up in the dark and given bread and water for years. Given just enough to survive but not much to be truly nourished.
Then after escaping this prison, finding himself years later, loved and appreciated, still struggling but sometime forgetting all the struggles and torture of by gone years. Then at a Christmas party, with loved one's surrounding him, with happiness and joy feeling his heart he finds himself bombarded with the feeling that the guard is going to come in at any moment and he will have to do push ups in the nude in front of all the other captives. Then feeling passes but a slight unpleasant feeling lingers, but not enough to stifle the joy and love that is felt.
I was half expecting someone from SRF to pop out of the cake with disapproval and yell at me because of their own projections about how unhappy I am.
Sorry, I could not help myself. Only a few will get that last comment.
Seriously, I was looking for someone in the room to look unhappy, jealous, envious, in "competition" as all SRF people seem to think is the case with anyone they come into contact with. No, everyone was cool and mellow, enjoying a good party. 12 or so woman came. Many more sent me emails, a few gave me a little birthday something earlier on in the week.
What a stark difference from just earlier this year and what about last year, now it is 2 years ago when I had all the great fucked up friendships from the great good woman at SRF who would constantly talk behind my back and some of my closest friends would constantly inform me in some way or another that I was a terrible friend and not quite enjoyable to be around. Of course I believed them. Over so many years this was brainwashed into me.
But now, in such a short time I find myself often the life of a party. I have more woman friends that I know what to do with and I hang out with them, go out, watch movies, have deep conversations or light and giddy ones several times a week.
No I am not the Joy that the good old SRF Culties were trying to make me into being. They are so fake and inhibiting. I thank the good lord that I got out of those witches hands.
I am not feeling particularly angry though I am curious why I am using words like witches and fake. I think it is because I can see things more clearly now and I am not afraid of those good old culties anymore. I am having a wonderfully different experience now and so it is easier to see what is in contrast.
I will have to say again, I was a bit tense at certain points in my party because I do feel sometimes I do not deserve all the love that surrounds me by my new friends.
I wonder if this strange experience of being here and then being transported back to the Cult will follow me my whole life. Possibly in certain circumstances. But I am happy to report that I am handling it much better.
I think I probably feel like a prisoner of war who was separated from family and any true loving relationship, shut up in the dark and given bread and water for years. Given just enough to survive but not much to be truly nourished.
Then after escaping this prison, finding himself years later, loved and appreciated, still struggling but sometime forgetting all the struggles and torture of by gone years. Then at a Christmas party, with loved one's surrounding him, with happiness and joy feeling his heart he finds himself bombarded with the feeling that the guard is going to come in at any moment and he will have to do push ups in the nude in front of all the other captives. Then feeling passes but a slight unpleasant feeling lingers, but not enough to stifle the joy and love that is felt.
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